Our lovely little Angel

We lost our lovely little angel Anette at only 44 years of age. All of her life she was the healthiest person that I ever met. She always walked with confidence and had a glow about herself. The worst thing that ever happened to her medically speaking was that she became pregnant and bore a beautiful daughter Tanya. She kept herself physically fit at all times, ate healthy foods, did not smoke or have any vices. She was physically stunning to look at although all who met her would agree that she was spiritually very much like a child. She had a certain innocence, kindness and nature, so enduring and pure that it was almost impossible not to like her the second that you met her. Someone once described her as not having a mean bone in her body. Although she was shy by nature, she was honest and open and so very friendly that people found her to be irresistible. It has often been said that if you didn't like Anette YOU should analyze your inner self to find out what your problem is. AND I WAS BLIND.

I think back on the things that upset me about her during our life together and realize how wrong I was and how often I misinterpreted her feelings. How often I misunderstood things about her that made me angry. I think back on her fears and understand how easy it would have been to comfort her. She needed so very little and yet gave me so much to love.

The last few months of her life are the ones full of memories that haunt me the most. They are full of things she said and questions she asked that I now find deeply disturbing. Images of her... so real... that are burned into my mind and soul, deep into my heart, filling my subconscious with dread and keeping me awake at night deep into the morning hours. In retrospect I suppose, I should have known that the end was near. If I could have the last months to do over again I would accept at any price, and yet it can never be so. The pain of her loss is immeasurable and the regret is crushing.
- Ben