A memorial blog

We will keep this blog active. Please feel free to add some of your favorite memories to this blog. Down the road we may do more, so please continue to check this site out periodically.

Our lovely little Angel

We lost our lovely little angel Anette at only 44 years of age. All of her life she was the healthiest person that I ever met. She always walked with confidence and had a glow about herself. The worst thing that ever happened to her medically speaking was that she became pregnant and bore a beautiful daughter Tanya. She kept herself physically fit at all times, ate healthy foods, did not smoke or have any vices. She was physically stunning to look at although all who met her would agree that she was spiritually very much like a child. She had a certain innocence, kindness and nature, so enduring and pure that it was almost impossible not to like her the second that you met her. Someone once described her as not having a mean bone in her body. Although she was shy by nature, she was honest and open and so very friendly that people found her to be irresistible. It has often been said that if you didn't like Anette YOU should analyze your inner self to find out what your problem is. AND I WAS BLIND.

I think back on the things that upset me about her during our life together and realize how wrong I was and how often I misinterpreted her feelings. How often I misunderstood things about her that made me angry. I think back on her fears and understand how easy it would have been to comfort her. She needed so very little and yet gave me so much to love.

The last few months of her life are the ones full of memories that haunt me the most. They are full of things she said and questions she asked that I now find deeply disturbing. Images of her... so real... that are burned into my mind and soul, deep into my heart, filling my subconscious with dread and keeping me awake at night deep into the morning hours. In retrospect I suppose, I should have known that the end was near. If I could have the last months to do over again I would accept at any price, and yet it can never be so. The pain of her loss is immeasurable and the regret is crushing.
- Ben

Thank you for your sympathy

Dear Friends, Family and Associates,
Thank you so very much to all of you who have offered your heartfelt sympathies for my mother's recent death. All of the flowers that were sent are absolutely beautiful.
It was wonderful to see so many people at the funeral. We appreciate all of you who traveled and took a break from work to be there. Thanks to Whitley's Funeral Home, Pastor Doug Agnew, Carolina Memorial Park, Monica Riley (Pianist), and Midway Florists for making Anette's funeral and service such a pleasant memory.

As most of you are aware, one of my mother's last wishes was to go to the beach. She fought so hard to make it there and yet it was not meant to be. At first we thought to cancel our reservations and carefully laid plans. Many times over the course of this last week we couldn't help but wonder why she longed so hard to get there. The decision has been made. We will go there to "find it". We will go in her memory and with her spirit to seek out the answer.

Love,
Tanya Fritz-Jackson

Funeral Arrangements

Anette's funeral will be on Wednesday July 30, 2008 at Whitley's Funeral Home in Kannapolis (1212 Centergrove Rd. Kannapolis NC PH# 704-933-2222).

Mapquest link to Whitley's Funeral Home

Visitation will be from 12-1pm in the Annex Chapel which is a new building behind the main one towards the back of the parking lot.

Funeral services will start at 1pm after the visitation. Funeral services will be conducted by Rev. Doug Agnew at Anette's request.

Additionally, for those of you who wish to attend the burial, it will be after the funeral services most likely around 3PM at Carolina Memorial Park of Harrisburg (12015 University City Blvd., Charlotte, NC 28213). There are no restrooms at Carolina Memorial so plan accordingly.

Mapquest link to Carolina Memorial Park of Harrisburg

It is Ben, Anette, and Tanya's personal wish that absolutely no pictures or videos be taken at any time during the funeral services, visitation, or burial. Please respect their wishes and leave all cameras, video cameras, and cell phone cameras away from the funeral services on Wednesday.

Thank you so much for your support and love during this trying time.


-Ben, Tanya, and Dave

Anette's battle finally ends.

Anette had a rough time over the past few days and is finally at peace. Today, July 27th 2008 at 1:30 in the early morning, Anette passed away.

Visits

Friends and Family,
Lately several people have expressed a desire to visit Anette. As you know, God willing, we are going to try to get Anette to the beach. Because we don't have a time line to work with, we thought it might be nice to coordinate the visits around her birthday, the weekend of July 25th. Of course all visits from her beloved family and friends are welcome at any time. We just don't want to leave anyone hanging if a beach trip suddenly becomes possible. In retrospect it might be lovely to throw her a birthday party that weekend.
Please give us a heads up if you might be coming. If needed we can give you a list of local hotels and other info.

7/14/08 Outpatient Surgery Update

Anette's surgery was successful yesterday. She is still in a lot of pain and discomfort. Hospice is expected to make their first visit today. They will check her tap to see if it's healing correctly and to make sure that conditions are suitible for care at home.

Back at home

Anette is back at home. She was released from the hospital yesterday evening. The medical procedure to put in an abdominal catheter is scheduled to take place on Monday next week as an outpatient procedure. It is most successful when it's time to perform a paracentecis and her abdomen is full of fluid.
It was decided yesterday to have hospice care given at home. Many people have asked us why we haven't had hospice care in the past. Hospice care is only available when you no longer benefit from cancer treatment and you are expected to live 6 months or less. Anette has been receiving cancer treatment, most recently clinical trials, until last week.

Still at NEMC

Anette is still in the hospital. She has a couple of other medical procedures to do which are designed to help maintain the highest level of comfort possible for the rest of her life.
In spite of all of this grim news, she continues to be in amazingly high spirits. She has not given up her faith, but is now focusing on trying to make the best and most of whatever time she has left. In fact, she still wants to make a trip to the beach. We ask you to please keep us in your prayers so that we can make that possible. We're not sure how we can pull that off, but with God's help all things are possible.
Love,
Tanya and family

7/10/08 - SURGERY UPDATE

Anette just got out of surgery and it was unsuccessful. Her doctor will talk with our immediate family this evening to discuss her options, if any. Her prognosis is not good.
- Tanya

7/10/08 Surgery

Yesterday while Anette & Ben were at Duke University it was brought to their attention that Anette has blockage in her liver. She is currently at NEMC for paracentesis, which she has been doing on a weekly basis, testing, and a medical procedure. She is having a noninvasive surgery more likely than not tomorrow to put a stent in by endoscopy in her liver to allow it to function normally. She will be staying at the hospital for a few nights.
Please keep her in your prayers! I will continue to post and add comments with updates.
Tanya

A MAY UPDATE...

Friends and Family,

It has been pointed out to me that I haven't even read my e-mails for a long time let alone sent an update on Anette. I'm sure that a shrink would be able to give a perfectly logical explanation for this behavior but then I am guilty as charged. Please accept my apologies. For the benefit of those of you that don't keep in frequent contact with us I will go back a ways but still try to be brief.

As most of you are already aware, Anette has been treated with all FDA approved Chemo's designed to fight her kind of Cancer. Whenever a specific Chemo is no longer affectively doing it's job or if your body is no longer able to tolerate that drug then it is dropped from the list of tools used in your treatment. It is extremely unlikely and rare that revisiting a previously used Chemo will have any positive affect in your continued treatment. Additionally it is just as unlikely that your body will be able to fend off previous and dangerous side affects after your body has shown an intolerance to a Chemo. Given these facts, Anette was faced with only two options, to go home without further Cancer treatment and prepare to die or to enter a Clinical study research program and hope for the best.

It has been Anette's desire to enter into Clinical study research programs (if she would qualify, more on that some other time) to continue fighting this terrible Cancer. When asked why after all of the suffering she has been through she would opt to continue, she said that she wants to make sure that her life has purpose. She says that this is an opportunity that may help her with her own illness but even more importantly could unlock the door to a cure that could prevent others from suffering. She asked further, "Who will do it for my daughter, my friends and neighbors or some other persons wife or husband if I don't do it"?

Anette's first study was at the University of Chapel Hill. It lasted only two cycles and then was discontinued as soon as it was discovered that the Chemo was no longer affective. We were told that all studies work that way. If you are lucky and healthy enough to "get in" they will only keep you in the program for as long as you have no disease progression. Even the smallest disease progression is considered a failure and you're dropped from the program.

Anette's second study was at Duke University in Durham North Carolina. Then about three weeks ago CT scans indicated that among other things her tumor has grown and her Liver has sustained considerable damage since her last scan. She was immediately dropped from the program.

So here we are back to zero. Because of the Liver damage, the last chemo or maybe both, she has to go into the Hospital periodically to get fluids (that build up over time) drained out of her abdomen. Her Doctor sees her periodically to administer pain medications and what ever else he thinks he can do to keep her comfortable. Although we continue to look for other clinical trials, time and disease progression make them ever more difficult to get in to. Yet Anette continues to solder on. She told me that she simply isn't ready to die yet. She feels like God still needs her to continue his work. Besides, she says "God can heal me with or without Chemotherapy"!

Having said that, I don't want you to think that we are living in the world of fantasy. We are all to aware that the deck is stacked against her. We are running low on everything especially the greatest commodity of all... time. In the end, Anette is well aware that her fate is in the hands of God and that it will take a miracle to see her through. Although we believe and ask God for complete healing and have faith that it will happen if it is his will, we don't pretend to know what he plans to do. We also accept that he may want to bring her precious life to conclusion. She told me that if she were to go she would first love to spend a little time at the Ocean, see a few friends and family and maybe even do a trip or two! I know that sounds like a person who thinks she has "a long ways to go before she sleeps", but you guys know her, would any of us bet against her? NOT ME!!!

Anette and our whole family wish all of you the best. I want you to know that Anette and I actually pray for all of you every day! Please remember to continue doing the same for us. We know that with your support and prayers, some how we will all get through this together and together is the only way we can do it. The only thing that I have to do alone is to get these updates to you more frequently! It's okay to give me a wake up call if you have any other additional questions or concerns, or even if you just want to call and chat. I don't mind at all.

Until later I am and remain,

Your friend... BEN

January Anette News

Anette is now enrolled in a new cancer reseach program at Duke University.