2 years

Wow, it's been 2 years since you left us to be with the Lord. The sadness and pain I feel is still alive. The rain is like tears falling from heaven. Which seems to happen every year on these 2 days.
Happy Birthday Mutti!

Mother's Day 2010

Ben & I visited Anette's grave site today on Mother's day. It's our 2nd year without her and it feels like the 1st. This whole day was an emotional struggle. These fresh cut roses are absolutely beautiful and bright just like she was.
Today is a busy day at cemetery's. It's heavy on my heart to see so many people who have lost their mothers, daughters, and grandmothers. I think about how much my mother has always meant to me, how much I miss her, love her, think about her and know that I am not alone today. What's strange is that even though I know that I'm not alone, I still feel like I am. There are all of these people at the cemetery and I still feel like none of them can relate to my pain and me as I know that I can not relate to them on the same level. We try to "be there" for one another but in reality that's a lot easier said than done. Everyone has their own story and circumstance. As no 2 people are the same neither are their stories. Yes we may have something in common, but that doesn't mean we all hurt the same. This is a feeling that I struggle with the most. One day I will learn to control it better.
As I stand here remembering Anette, I remember her mother that passed away the day before mother's day many years ago. Then I thought of my other grandmother. One memory triggers another and my day feels like it just won't get any better. Even though these are wonderful memories they make me miss them all that much more. Thank goodness for sunglasses!

To all of those who have loving mothers, do NOT take them for granted and make every day that is spent with her Mother's Day. She may do a lot of things that can be annoying from time to time, as all parents do, but she does it with good intentions and with one of the greatest of loves, a mother's love. Like all of us, she could be here one day and gone the next. They stay alive in our memories. It is very, very important to let them know that they'll live on forever through these memories as we share them from one generation to the the next.
Keep their memories alive!

1 Year has gone by

Happy Birthday Anette!
Its' hard to believe that a whole year has gone by already. It feels like it has only been a few months.
Ben and I visited her grave at the cemetary yesterday, a year from the day she died. We went there with a very heavy heart and left with a lighter one.
Today we will celebrate her birthday by doing something she enjoyed. This year we will go out for ice cream and get a big waffle cone.

A memorial blog

We will keep this blog active. Please feel free to add some of your favorite memories to this blog. Down the road we may do more, so please continue to check this site out periodically.

Our lovely little Angel

We lost our lovely little angel Anette at only 44 years of age. All of her life she was the healthiest person that I ever met. She always walked with confidence and had a glow about herself. The worst thing that ever happened to her medically speaking was that she became pregnant and bore a beautiful daughter Tanya. She kept herself physically fit at all times, ate healthy foods, did not smoke or have any vices. She was physically stunning to look at although all who met her would agree that she was spiritually very much like a child. She had a certain innocence, kindness and nature, so enduring and pure that it was almost impossible not to like her the second that you met her. Someone once described her as not having a mean bone in her body. Although she was shy by nature, she was honest and open and so very friendly that people found her to be irresistible. It has often been said that if you didn't like Anette YOU should analyze your inner self to find out what your problem is. AND I WAS BLIND.

I think back on the things that upset me about her during our life together and realize how wrong I was and how often I misinterpreted her feelings. How often I misunderstood things about her that made me angry. I think back on her fears and understand how easy it would have been to comfort her. She needed so very little and yet gave me so much to love.

The last few months of her life are the ones full of memories that haunt me the most. They are full of things she said and questions she asked that I now find deeply disturbing. Images of her... so real... that are burned into my mind and soul, deep into my heart, filling my subconscious with dread and keeping me awake at night deep into the morning hours. In retrospect I suppose, I should have known that the end was near. If I could have the last months to do over again I would accept at any price, and yet it can never be so. The pain of her loss is immeasurable and the regret is crushing.
- Ben